Batez and Bentz
by lrhaboggle
Summary: What if the Translators were sent to Hell instead of Agent? What would happen if only one of them made it out?


Batez and Bentz were comrades, allies, friends and even lovers, but more importantly, they were inseparable. Or so they thought. One fateful night, God called them in and sent them to Hell. They were going in order to make the first move on and Hell and teach the Morningstar just what he was dealing with. It wasn't going to be a large attack, it was just going to something short and sweet to get the point across that God would not tolerate these rumors of rebellion anymore. It was no accident, after all, that he was sending in his most vicious angels. On the contrary, the moment he called them up and sent them off, their eyes began to glitter with a new and malicious light. It was enough to scare anyone with half a brain, except God of course. He feared nothing. So the Translators after receiving their next mission, bowed lowly to their lord and savior and them scampered out of his presence in order to get their mission underway.

"This place could certainly use a patching job!" Batez muttered the moment she and Bentz had touched down into Hell.

"The croakers don't have the same class Heaven does," Bentz agreed, lip curling in disgust as he looked around at desolate landscape. "Now come on, we got translations to perform, ya heard it?" he asked.

"I heard it!" Batez singsonged back, then they strutted forward with an arrogance only they could possess, especially down here. Without another look back at Heaven's elevator, the power couple raised their nightsticks high and announced their presences, speaking on behalf of God and threatening any carnie who didn't cease this talk of war at once. The Translators left happily on their mission, but did not return that way.  
The battle began well enough, both Batez and Bentz showing an extreme affinity for combat, but finally the couple found themselves cornered and outnumbered. For all of their brutality and skill, there were just too many carnies to stave off forever.

"To the elevator!" Batez commanded over the bloody throng of carnies. Bentz heard her command and, on a reflex, began sprinting back the way he and his wife had come. She followed closely behind with all of Hell nipping at their heels. Then something went wrong. Somehow, one of the carnies managed to snag Batez's leg and drag her back.

"AAARGHHH!" she hollered in surprise, pain and terror. Bentz heard her and he made a similar sound as he watched her being dragged away.

"Batez!" he shouted. He jumped forward with his nightstick out again, ready to defend his wife to the last, but Batez waved him off.

"Go!" she pleaded. "Tell God! Send help!" she added. It went against everything in Bentz to leave his comrade and other half in such a life-threatening situation but he understood that if he tried to go and save her now, he would fail and they would both die. His escape back up to Heaven was the best bet they had, no matter how much it hurt for him to turn away as the carnies closed in on Batez, snarling and screeching hungrily.

Three days later, however, absolutely no progress had been made in sending a rescue party. Bentz paced their shared office. It felt too big and too small at the same time. Without Batez at his side, he was starting to go crazy, well, crazier than normal. But seriously, she really had been his other half. She was part of the machinery that kept him ticking. Trying to function without her was physically impossible and it was like trying to ask a car to drive with only two wheels. Maybe it would be able to limp along a little, but that certainly wasn't the way a car was meant to drive.

"Come on, God, please!" Bentz pleaded softly to the cross mounted upon his office wall. "Please do something! Save her! You can't keep me waiting for much longer! Surely she's running out of time, and you promised!" he added. He was referring to a conversation that had occurred between them after Bentz came bursting in on his king and father, covered in blood, sweat and tears.

"Your majesty! Your majesty! Your majesty!" he sobbed as he slammed the doors to God's office open.

"What is the meaning of this!?" the master of the universe jumped up, seething at this man's audacity, but for once, Bentz was too scared to remember protocol. He ran right up to God, still crying, despite God looking even more terrifying than all the carnies combined.

"Please, sir! It's Batez, sir! She's been captured, sir! You've got to help me save her, sir! She's my wife, sir!" the broken six pleaded, falling to his knees and clutching desperately at God's robes.

God hissed in disgust and came really close to kicking that groveling man away from his freshly-pressed robes when a realization and then an idea struck him all at once. Even though Bentz was returning to him now with the utmost disgrace upon his head, the raw desperation in his voice indicted that, as of right then, he would do anything God asked if only God promised to send help for Batez eventually. God always liked people who were in such desperate situations because they were the easiest to control. It was this realization that triggered an idea in God's mind. He made a promise, then, to send a rescue party for Batez and, in return, Bentz would parade through Heaven right then and declare that he and Batez had subdued Hell's threats. If anyone asked why Batez was not with him, he would lie and say she was actually being stationed down in Hell for a time to make sure the carnies didn't try any funny business. It was a lie plainer than the nose on anyone's face and even Bentz recoiled at the idea of telling it, but when he heard what God was willing to offer in return, he agreed in a heartbeat.

"You'll do it?!" he cried hopefully once God promised to send help for Batez. God nodded solemnly. "Oh! Thank you sir!" the surviving Translator began to shake and giggle like a madman. He continued to thank the lord and kiss his fingers until God got creeped out enough to shove him away. Bentz took the gesture well enough and cavorted out of God's office, already singing songs of triumph as he spat blatant lies right into Heaven's face. For the most part, it worked, and Heaven did not question why Batez was no longer among their ranks. Even Bentz was genuinely happy, eagerly awaiting new for when God was going to launch this rescue party and save his wife. But after three days had passed with no progress being made to help Batez, Bentz's fears and doubts returned. Now he stood in the office he once shared with his wife, having just returned from another petition to God. Once again, God promised to help, but in due time.

"You cannot rush the lord," God reminded his beast of prey. "He works in mysterious ways and will do things as he sees fit!"

"Yes sir," Bentz replied obediently, but it was clear that he wasn't exactly happy with this setup. All the same, with no other choice, the man had taken leave of God again and returned to his office.

"Come on, God, please!" Bentz pleaded again. "You promised!" but little did he know that God had no intention of ever mounting a rescue. The way he saw it, losing Batez was an affordable loss. It would prove to Hell that God was willing to lose his top men in this and, given the way the chess pieces were sitting right now, it would give them a false sense of confidence. Then, back up here, with Bentz totally broken over losing his wife, God knew he had just made the one surviving Translator even more dangerous than before but, at the same time, since the man was willing to lie to Heaven about the outcome of the battle, Heaven itself would stay invigorated and hopeful. Everyone won. Except Batez and Bentz. By this time, Bentz was sure that something awful had happened to his wife and the thought left him in tears, but if anything, Batez was doing just fine. Oh, she was a prisoner of war alright, kept under a very tight watch, but she was still alive and well.

"Come on, Bentz!" she pleaded through the iron bars of her cage. "Come find me!" but Bentz would be unable to answer her call for awhile more.

 **AN: This is an AU where the Translators go to Hell instead of Agent. I wrote this just because I need more Batez and Bentz in my life and this does put a darker and more serious look at them and their relationship and it shows just how conniving God really is. He sent Batez to Hell knowing she wouldn't return and that would be beneficial to him for several reasons. He's a sick monster, isn't he? And of course, we get to see the deliciously painful "Person A worries about Person B" because, as one of my favorite ships, the Translators WILL go through that, though I don't know how in-character it could possibly be. But here you go either way.**


End file.
